MANILA, Philippines – For the longest time, I didn’t give a hoot about fashion. I was always the girl in nondescript tank tops, jeans, and flip-flops. I also didn’t know how to put on make-up and didn’t care to learn.

I shunned nice clothes for several reasons. One, I was lazy. Two, I was afraid that stylish clothes could only be worn once since people would notice right away and take note if I wore an outfit again (and again, and again, and again). Three, fashion is for people who don’t take themselves seriously. Four, shopping is addicting. Once you start, you’ll never stop. And five, I cockily believed that those who put effort into looking good are those who, well, have to make an effort.

Lest anyone throw rocks at me, that last statement isn’t always true. I have gorgeous friends who walk into school everyday looking like paparazzi bait. But they still turn heads on the rare occasion that they show up in just T-shirts and jeans. Still, you have to admit that there are girls who hide behind so much make-up and over-the-top outfits that you sometimes get the feeling they must need all that camouflage to cover up something.

And I guess that’s what I was afraid of becoming. I wanted to be beautiful because I was beautiful. Not because I was wearing the perfect shade of blush or the perfect pair of heels.

But all that changed in due time.

I was a music major and therefore lived the life of a performer, one who realized belatedly that she couldn’t be perpetually dependent on make-up artists and her fabulous gay friends to work on her backstage. So I eventually caved in and started lugging around a full-fledged, fully-equipped kikay kit on performance days. I learned to use it too. And while I still prefer to be a clean slate on regular days, I no longer show up at parties and events with a wan look.

My wardrobe followed soon after. One day I just started buying pretty clothes: bright colors with bows, unique cuts and details, and even dresses that emphasized my femininity. I also started digging into my closet, unearthing pieces that I never had the guts to wear before. Even my mother’s closet yielded a few neglected but usable pieces. I used to cringe whenever fashionistas suggested the idea of going through your mom’s or lola’s aparador. But they’re right. If you have a good eye, you’re bound to find something classic and precious.

As for people noticing that I repeat outfits (well, who can afford not to, these days?), I don’t mind. After all, they notice my simpler outfits as well. Besides, at UP we understand that certain clothes aren’t meant to be worn only once. Eventually, I also learned to mix and match. I’m still no expert, but it’s amazing how much you can do with limited resources.

There are still days when I show up in just a T-shirt and an old pair of jeans. Either I’m running an errand, off to rehearsals, have only one class, or plan to go shopping (where I don’t anticipate bumping into anyone twice).

But yes, more often than not, I make a conscious effort to look better than average and to shun “wallflower” outfits. Never mind that I’m an iska (a UP coed), and UP students are known for going to class in their house dress or skanky outfits. I will stick out like a sore thumb if I have to.

As funny and as superficial as it may sound, changing the way I dress has changed me as a person. Since I started dressing up, I’ve become a lot more assertive. I’m now more vocal about the things I want and no longer scared of taking on leadership roles. In fact, I enjoy being in charge. I’m no longer terrified of the fact that it’s my job to contact and meet successful and famous people that our student organization wishes to interview or hold workshops with. I can speak up in a crowd, go against the flow, and make decisions for the group. Even on the personal level, more doors and opportunities have opened to me. I finally feel confident enough to start conversations with my crushes.

Come to think of it, I probably had all of the above in me all this time. But going the extra mile to look good has brought out the best in me.

We all have a picture of our ideal selves in mind: what life we aspire for, the job we want, the friends and future spouse we dream of, the personality we want to develop, basically the overall package of who we wish to be. And while it all starts within us, it doesn’t hurt to look the part on the outside.

Fashion and beauty may be very superficial concepts, but I’ve learned that they have their uses as well. Looking good changes the way you carry yourself. It also changes the way people look at you. And when they start treating you better, that reinforces and surfaces the better person you are trying to become. After working on the substance, try to improve the packaging. It will definitely be worth it!

Send comments and reactions to catgdeleon @yahoo.com. Or drop the author a line at http://writer-cat.livejournal.com. (Inquirer News Service)